


Marriage of Pretense

by LuciferxDamien



Category: Lupin III
Genre: Accepting a Proposal out of Spite, Anal Sex, Crossdressing, Fake Marriage, Fake Marriage Turns Into Real Love, Fake Wedding To Obtain Gifts From Rich People (and they really RSVP), First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, First Time Bottoming, Forced to undergo elaborate wedding ritual, Kissing, M/M, Marriage as part of a con, Mutual Pining, Oral Sex, Wedding Night, consummation, foreskin, requited feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-24 19:10:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20019583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuciferxDamien/pseuds/LuciferxDamien
Summary: It was just supposed to be an easy job, fake a wedding. Score some quick cash... What was Jigen supposed to do, after he realized that he liked the idea of actually getting married to Goemon?





	Marriage of Pretense

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GloriousGoblinQueen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GloriousGoblinQueen/gifts).



"C'mon! This is a great idea!" Lupin insisted, again, and Jigen still wasn't having any of it. Goemon was silent, eyes shut and head turned away.

"Just because your marriage to Rebecca didn't work out doesn't mean that--"

Goemon sighed and Jigen stopped, grumbling as he lightly chewed on the cigarette in his teeth. 

"Hey look, Jigen... I would marry you, or I would marry Goemon, but! I'm still married to Rebecca so... C'mon, think this through!" 

"Why not marry Fujiko?" Goemon asked and everyone kind of cringed.

"I think you answered your own question there... Would you want to marry Fuji-cakes? I love her and all but... Married? She'd rob me blind!" Lupin exclaimed and he was far too chipper for this. 

"So... Instead, you want for me and Goemon to get married and rob people blind..."

"Is it really theft if the guests just give us things?" Lupin was pouting and Jigen hated that he had a point. It wasn't really theft if people gave them the stuff... "C'mon, I want something easy... This should be so simple!"

It sounded simple... It sounded really simple. They could use the money and maybe, just maybe Jigen was a bit bored and Goemon… 

Goemon was slightly flushed, still looking away with his eyes shut, sword against his shoulder. Poor guy. This sort of thing was definitely outside his comfort zone. Give him a target to assassinate or hold off a horde of ninja? No problem. Ask him to do a fake marriage?

Oh boy.

"Besides... I already sent out the invitations two weeks ago so…” 

Goemon startled, turning to look at them, face even redder, mouth opened slightly.

"You're an ass, Lupin,” Jigen huffed, shoulders tight as he crossed his arms over his chest. "You weren't even going to ask us! What, were you just gonna collect the gifts and then call off the wedding and keep all the loot to yourself?!"

Lupin frowned. "Do you really think me so low? Of course I was going to share! Sixty-forty."

Jigen felt his fingers twitching to pull out his gun... "Let me guess, you keep the sixty, and Goemon and I split the forty... Why I oughta!"

"I accept." Goemon stood and Jigen stopped, inches from wrapping his hands around Lupin's skinny neck. "But we split equally. A third each." There was no room for argument in his narrowed eyes, his sword held tight in his hand.

"S-sure! That's fine! That's fair!" Lupin had his hands up in the air and Jigen released his shirt and backed away.

" _And_..." Jigen added, arms folded across his chest, cigarette clenched between his teeth. "You pick up whatever expenses arise from this little con of yours."

Lupin looked like he was going to complain but then Goemon was standing next to Jigen, sword in hand, clinking in the sheath, thumb at the ready to break the seal and draw. "O-okay... That's... Okay. That's fine. But I expect a great big thank you when this works!"

~ ~ ~ 

Fujiko had been hanging around for a few days, discussing details and Jigen couldn’t be bothered to get involved. This was not his mess to plan. 

Then, Rebecca came over, with brochures and files… 

Files that happened to contain who the richest people in the area were, and whether they were likely to send gifts or not to the wedding. 

This was so dumb… And lazy. Really, it was just… 

Lazy… 

Jigen flopped down on the couch, Goemon on the other end, huffing loudly. 

“What are you two even doing here? Don’t you have jobs? I know at least one of you does…” 

Fujiko scrunched her nose up at him and stuck out her tongue. “I’ll have you know that Lupin asked us over! He wanted help with _venues_.” Jigen flinched at that. 

“And it’s going to take a lot of strategy to get the best gift to effort ratio!” Rebecca added in. Chipper girl. 

“Really though, some of these locations are just so _romantic_ …” Fujiko swooned, holding up a brochure and Rebecca was swooning right alongside her. 

“Maybe you two should get married and leave me and Goemon out of this.” 

“Hey!” Rebecca pouted. “I’m a happily married woman!” 

“And I just don’t want to get married…” The hint of a pout in Fujiko’s tone was not lost on Jigen. 

“Ugh.” Jigen cracked his beer open, chancing a glance at Goemon, all bound up and tense. 

This damn job better not drag on… 

~ ~ ~ 

"C'mon! We're already running late!" Lupin was in his face, and Jigen grumbled, pulling himself out of bed.

"You know, maybe it would help if you actually let us know what you're doing?!" Jigen was beyond tired of being yanked around by this con. He had no clear idea of what was happening next. Lupin would go days without talking to him, and then all of a sudden it was Jigen's fault they were running late for some wedding-related thing.

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!" Lupin pulled on him and Jigen growled at him, grabbing his hat as he was dragged out of the apartment. "Fujiko and Rebecca are already there! I want to avoid letting them ring up the bill any higher than they already are..."

"Where are we going?!" Goemon was already outside, standing in the sunshine with his eyes closed as he sunned himself.

Jigen wasn't totally breathless just from Looking at Goemon. Nope, nope, nope.

He really did look nice in that soft pink kimono, reminiscent of spring in Japan, sun in his jetblack hair.

"Hey c'mon!" Lupin huffed, hands on his hips.

Goemon looked flushed and Jigen just told himself it was the warmth of the sun. It was high noon, after all...

"All right, all right. We're coming." Goemon nodded, tucking his hair behind his ear as they started down the street. "What are you dragging us to this time, anyway?"

"Oh? Did I not tell you?" Lupin twirled around with a wink. "Cake tasting! Can't have a wedding without a cake!"

Goemon looked over, pensive and Jigen huffed, shoving his hands in his pockets. This was getting out of hand... "Really, Lupin? Cake tasting?"

"Okay look. I know the wedding isn't going to _actually_ happen, but Fuji-cakes and Rebecca insisted we do this... Plus the bakery is actually pretty nice and you two have been holed up in the apartment too long. So there."

Jigen groaned and Goemon huffed. He felt real bad for the guy. This was... Ugh.

Lupin was gonna be lucky he made it out of this caper alive, honestly.

Goemon shuffled next to him, looking pensive. Jigen bit at his lip."I thought there wasn't going to be an actual wedding... Why are we cake tasting?"

Why were they doing any of this… 

Jigen shrugged with a sigh. "I don't know. Probably Fujiko and Rebecca just messing with us. And messing with Lupin. This is coming out of his pocket after all."

“Hmmm…” Goemon folded his arms inside of his kimono and Jigen wished he knew what to say. 

The bakery smelled of fresh bread, and it was enticing, but ugh. Watching Rebecca and Fujiko squeal over cakes and decorations and options? Nah. 

He was supposed to be one of the ‘grooms’ picking out a cake, but Jigen kept to himself for the tasting. Everything was too sweet for Jigen, but Goemon at least seemed to enjoy some of the cakes. Fujiko and Rebecca made an effort to keep the cake away from Lupin. That was worth it. 

Near the end, a matcha cake was brought out and well… That was actually nice, a little buttercream or cream cheese frosting… 

And now he was actually thinking about a cake. Jigen sighed. 

What kind of cake would Goemon like, anyway? Would he want something big and bold, or more reserved and simple… 

He was daydreaming and this was stupid. He was stupid. _Lupin_ was stupid for dragging them into this whole damn ordeal. 

“I… I got the last of the matcha cake. I think Rebecca and Fujiko opted for something else, though I don’t quite understand why, if we’re not going to actually…” Goemon whispered, a small cake box in his hand along with a bag holding some canned coffees. 

Jigen sighed, holding the door open for Goemon and they started off on their own, leaving Lupin to clean up the mess and take care of the details. Were they really getting a cake? 

“So, I uh… I saw that you liked this one…? I found it pleasant, too.” They found themselves on a bench, at the top of one of Italy’s hills, the sun drifting downard, casting the whole town in golden hues. He’d barely rolled out of bed and now the whole day was gone. “Jigen?” 

“Huh? Oh…” Jigen felt sheepish. Had he been ignoring Goemon this entire time? Damn it all. He felt like a grumpy old man, and maybe that’s exactly what he was at the moment. 

Canned coffee didn’t sound bad… 

He reached for one and his fingers met Goemon’s. Jigen was startled and Goemon was blushing. “Sorry…” Jigen pulled back and Goemon almost looked crestfallen. 

“N-no… It is I who should apologize.” Goemon looked away with a huff. “I uh… I think I lost the other fork. Th-that is, if you wanted to share the cake with me…” 

“Oh…” The wind blew softly, rustling Goemon’s hair, fluttering the sleeves of his kimono. “Th-that’s fine…” 

The matcha cake tasted even better, shared with Goemon, while they watched the sun set, sipping at canned coffee. 

~ ~ ~ 

This whole thing had gotten tedious. The cake tasting was clearly just a way for Fujiko and Lupin to mess with him last week. And eat cake while doing it. But this? 

A note had been left for him, telling him when and where to show up. 

_‘Can’t forget the rings! And don’t forget the signal!’_

Rings… 

Jigen sighed. He wasn’t going to argue, it took too much energy to fight Lupin and he was too damn old for this shit. 

He showed up, shoulders slouched as he stood against a wall, where he had been told to wait, for a signal? 

Wait… 

Oh hell. 

The sound of geta scraping against stone echoed and Jigen looked around the corner, making eye contact with a startled Goemon. 

“You too, huh?” Goemon whispered, sword in hand, covered in its cloth bag. “Do you know what the signal is?” 

Jigen breathed out his smoke with a sigh. “Nope. Lupin sure has been tight fisted with the details lately, hasn’t he?” 

“Hmmm…” Goemon looked down the street, gaze hard as he looked for cops or anyone else that might hinder them. “Did he tell you this was about rings, too?” 

“Yup…” Jigen didn’t want to look at Goemon, just puffing at his cigarette. 

“Do you think—” 

“Get back here, you bastard! Thief! Thief! Thief!” 

“Something tells me that’s the signal.” Goemon nodded and Jigen was pulling out his gun as they ran toward the shouting, an alarm going off just as they rounded the corner and found Lupin with a honking sack of loot… 

“Impressive…” Goemon whispered, Zantetsuken free of the cloth bag, at his hip and ready. 

There was Lupin’s little yellow Fiat, and Jigen sighed, running toward it, Goemon following. 

One draw of the Zantetsuken and any police that did show up would have one hell of a time following them, debris now littering the street. All three of them jumped in the Fiat and Lupin took off, cackling to himself. 

Somehow, they managed to get back to the safehouse before attracting Zenigata’s attention. 

“All right boys! Great job today! I’m running a little low on cash, so… You each get to pick one ring! Make it count! The rest is for me, haha!” Lupin was laughing, sitting on a pile of jewels and Jigen sighed, picking through. 

“These are gaudy as hell, Lupin, you can’t expect me and Goemon to wear these?!” 

“Pfft! What does it really matter! I’m being generous here, okay? You’re not actually getting married, remember?” 

“Hmph.” 

“I wouldn’t have to do this if you’d split the wedding gifts four ways with Fujiko, too! She’s doing a lot of work here!” 

“No way. Absolutely not. You can split your third with her,” Jigen tossed another sparkly rock back onto the pile. They were valuable, but nothing he wanted to be sporting as a married man. 

“You agreed to the terms, Lupin. I see no need to change it now,” Goemon said, voice stern and calm as he knelt down, sifting through the pile, picking out a matching pair of yellow and white gold wedding bands. 

And what do you know, they even fit, yellow for Jigen, the white for Goemon… 

~ ~ ~ 

"Okay so. Remember when I said that you guys didn't have to actually pretend to get married, in front of people...?"

"I'm gonna kill you." Jigen was already reaching for his gun. 

"Okay hey! Wait, wait, wait. Let me talk before you whip your pistol out okay? You don't want Goemon thinking you're a quick shooter, right!?" Lupin had his tongue stuck out, the cheeky bastard. 

Goemon blushed and turned his head away. "What has changed that now requires us to actually hold the wedding?" he asked. 

"Okay so, I already got Rebecca working on the venue, since you know... We didn't actually book that or anything. That should be no problem, but uh... Okay. I got a longshot RSVP. And... Okay so. There is this very, very rich couple that just RSVP'd... And she is known for supporting... Well, unconventional partnerships. And she has this diamond necklace that is to die for."

"Let me guess. Fujiko wants the necklace?" Jigen wasn’t amused. 

"I mean... she said she'd take that as her whole payment!"

Jigen sighed and Goemon slouched. "That necklace is worth more than everything else combined, isn't it?"

Lupin shrugged. "I mean yeah probably... It's worth a lot! But we're still going to get a hefty chunk of change here, okay? This will be worth it, I promise you!"

"Whatever Lupin. Getting that necklace is your sole responsibility. And remember. All additional costs that arise are yours to pay."

Lupin lurched a bit. "Yeah, thanks. Don't remind me..."

Lupin stalked off, his work increased but Jigen didn't care, laying back on the couch with his feet up.

"This is getting out of hand..." Goemon whispered and Jigen huffed, letting his hat fall over his eyes.

"Tell me about it..."

"What..." Goemon hesitated, the rustling of his kimono drawing Jigen's attention and he tipped his hat up. Goemon's cheeks were rosy and Jigen swallowed hard. "What if we actually have to get married...?"

"Uh..." It wasn't something he had put too much thought into, but things were entirely out of hand and... If they got married, that meant they had to kiss. In front of people. "Damn... I don't know. Get an annulment, I guess?" That didn’t answer the kissing problem, however. 

Goemon nodded and he didn't seem happy about that answer. Jigen snapped his lighter out and started puffing. Why did Goemon seem upset about that?

Damn this whole con… 

~ ~ ~ 

"Things... Things are getting way out of hand..." Goemon whispered, cheeks dusted pink as he looked away, sitting cross-legged on the floor with his sword against his shoulder, arms hidden away. "Perhaps we should prepare for the worst."

Jigen sucked in a breath, willing his cock to go down. Oh, please, whatever deities were willing to listen, please do not let his cock get hard right in Goemon's face…

“A venue has been booked… Maybe we should…” Goemon blushed and Jigen took a moment to calm himself, to push away the intrusive thoughts that told him to lean in and kiss the guy. 

"I won't let it come to that. I'll put a stop to it before then. Even if I have to shoot Lupin myself," Jigen said, making sure he made eye contact with Goemon when the other looked up at him.

Goemon sighed, looking disappointed. Why did he look so disappointed?

"Okay..." Goemon's whisper was barely heard and Jigen felt agitated.

He needed a smoke. He needed something to shoot.

Maybe he would go find Lupin and drown him in a fountain, he didn't care, stalking out of their shared apartment.

How dare Lupin put Goemon into this position?! It was one thing to drag Jigen into a job like this, but Goemon?

Jigen was seething and it was probably a good thing he forgot his gun back at the safehouse as he stalked along the streets, grumbling to himself.

Goddamn Lupin...

But... What did Goemon mean, anyway? Prepare for the worst...?

And why did Jigen want to run back to him and ask.

He sighed, slipping into a bar. At least he found a distraction for his frustration and anger. For the night.

Poor Goemon, though...

Jigen frowned, nursing a scotch. Why was he so interested in Goemon's feelings, after all these years...

He grumbled to himself for the remainder of the night. And charged his bar tab to Lupin.

Morning was a swift kick in the ass and Jigen found himself groaning on the couch, wondering why he thought getting back at Lupin by drinking heavily was such a good idea… 

"What the hell is this?! Jigen!!!"

"Oh shut up, would ya? I'm nursing a hangover here..." Everything throbbed and rippled and Jigen was sure his eyes were going to pop out of his head.

"No! No I will not shut up, thank you kindly! What the hell is this, charging your bar tab to me?! How much did you drink last night?!" Lupin stood over him, hands on hips, audacious tie swinging free.

"Consider it a wedding expense..." Jigen hiccuped. 

"How in the hell is you getting smashed on expensive liquor a 'wedding expense', Jigen?" Lupin looked so smug and if Jigen thought he could move without puking himself into another dimension, he would have clocked Lupin right in the nose.

"Yelling won't change anything..." Goemon spoke softly, the sound of his crisp kimono shifting as he moved somehow a comfort to Jigen's throbbing head and rushing ears.

Something cool settled over Jigen's forehead and he groaned in appreciation. "At least someone cares about me..."

Goemon huffed and sat down on the floor while Jigen monopolized the couch. "If you don't have anything useful to tell us, Lupin, I suggest you go back to planning this facade..."

Goemon's presence, his faint scent of kimono and Japan was a comfort as Jigen closed his eyes, to sleep off his hangover.

~ ~ ~ 

Lupin was really pulling out all the stops. Jigen was currently sitting in a white tuxedo, Goemon in his formal kimono as Lupin snapped pictures of them, sitting in a Japanese style garden.

This was ridiculous...

 _"We gotta make it look real!"_ Lupin had claimed, when he brought out the tux and camera. 

They had been there for hours, since morning. Fujiko and Rebecca were wearing over the top bridesmaids dresses fussing and fawning and getting way too much enjoyment out of the whole thing while Lupin snickered. 

"People will love this! You guys look fantastic, such a handsome pair you make!" Jigen almost shot him, but Goemon sighed and sat down, subjecting himself to Lupin's torture. This was clearly payback for getting drunk on scotch and charging it to Lupin those weeks ago.

"Okay, I think we got some excellent shots. I just have one more idea..."

Jigen tensed, visibly and Goemon looked at him, frowning. "It'll be fine..." Goemon whispered and Jigen sighed, resigned. Quite a few gifts had already started coming in. Nice things. Things that fetched a high resale price... But it still wasn't enough to justify this, not yet.

And there still had to be an angle here. Lupin never did anything without some sort of angle...

"Okay so! I got this nice little kimono from Japan and well... Jigen! I want you to wear it for this last set of pictures!"

Well, that could have been worse. Or, so he thought until he pulled open the tatoshi and saw it was a woman's kimono. A soft pink kimono. Pretty, to be sure. Shibori, expensive... It was nice.

And he was going to stuff it down Lupin's throat. 

Lupin dodged Jigen as he lunged, and then the shouting started. And persisted. 

“All right, boys… This… I gotta go. You can figure this out!” Apparently, Fujiko had reached her limits… She always was a fickle fox. 

“Fujiko! Wait! I need you to tie the obi!” 

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna bail too. This was fun though!” Rebecca planted a kiss on Lupin’s cheek before she ran off. 

Lupin sighed, and huffed. “Fine. We’ll just reschedule this, then!” 

And then it was just Jigen and Lupin arguing with each other. Endlessly. There was no damn way he was putting that kimono on! 

An hour passed, it had to have been at least an hour, when Goemon stepped forward and took the kimono. “I’ll wear it. You’re obviously not going to let it drop, Lupin, so I’ll do it. I just want this over with.” 

Goemon took the kimono and went to their private dressing tent. Jigen followed. “At least I know how to tie the damn obi…” he hissed at Lupin. 

It was dark in the tent and Goemon was throwing off his haori, very unceremoniously. 

“This is ridiculous! Why are we doing this?!” Goemon sounded so upset… 

“Because it’s Lupin…” Jigen whispered. It was dark now and he stopped Goemon’s shaking hands from ripping apart his kimono. “C’mon, let me… I know you’re angry, but you’ll just get more upset if you rip something. It ain’t easy to get this fixed here. I know it’s your favourite…” 

Goemon blushed and Jigen wasn’t sure what it meant. Geomon was always so reserved and kept to himself… 

And Jigen definitely shouldn’t have been thinking indecent things. Nope… He shouldn’t have been… 

But he was and his breath hitched as silk slid off pale shoulders, revealing collarbones. 

Jigen swallowed hard. They were both too Japanese for this. 

And damn, why did Goemon have to turn around, his ass so fine and firm, in that fundoshi and Jigen swallowed hard. Goemon was _only_ in his fundoshi and Jigen tried not to stare. This… This was just a job. Just another job. A stupid, insane job. 

A juban was set out, along with everything else that was going to be needed and Goemon slipped into the juban. It was dark red, patterned with weeping willow and flowers. He was gonna murder Lupin for this… 

“At least we don’t need to pad you out,” Jigen forced himself to say, to break the silence and help ease his rage at Lupin. Being mad was only going to upset Goemon, too. 

“Hnnn…” And that was not the right thing to say, not at all… 

Jigen cursed himself, wanting a cigarette, but he just watched Goemon move, tying himo and smoothing out the datejime, collars expertly arranged. 

“I am ready…” Goemon stood with his back to Jigen and Jigen nearly tripped over the kimono as he brought it over, the silk slipping and cascading to the ground. Goemon turned to look at him and Jigen’s white hat fluttered to the ground. 

“S-sorry… It’d be a shame to rip this before you’ve had a chance to wear it.” Wait. What? Why… Damn Lupin! This was clearly all his fault. 

“Yes… It is lovely…” Goemon whispered, kneeling down to pick up the hat, setting it aside on one of the dressing tables. His rage was distracted just long enough to watch Goemon moving around in the juban, long sleeves fluttering gracefully. The long sleeves of an unmarried woman… 

Damn Lupin. Damn this whole damn con. 

Jigen hoped that Goemon wouldn’t be able to hear the thundering of his heart as he helped him into the kimono. They were so close, Jigen wrapping his arms around Goemon to wind the obi around him, pulling tight, jerking the thick silk and twisting everything into place. 

“I’m sorry…” Jigen was behind Goemon, pulling the obijime taught, the last piece that needed to be tied. 

“I’m not upset…” Goemon whispered, taking the obijime in his deft hands, tying it tight and setting the otaiko knot in place. Silk rustled as he turned, the sleeves nearly long enough to brush the ground. “I’m not…” 

So close and Jigen swallowed hard, trying to swallow his heart back down to where it belonged. The kimono suited Goemon, complimented his features. “G-Goemon…?” 

The air was thick between them, Goemon leaning up, his sleeve falling back to reveal wrist and just when Jigen thought they might kiss— 

“Hey! Get a move on, would ya?! We’re losing light out here!” Lupin barged in, hollering at them. 

They jerked away from each other, ignoring the way they were both blushing. Jigen was pretty sure he could hear Goemon’s heart thudding, and no doubt, Goemon could hear his… 

In the gardens, Goemon sat on a chair, his hands over his knees while Jigen stood at his side. 

Those photos, admittedly, were some of Jigen’s favourites from the shoot. 

~ ~ ~ 

"So! Which one of you is gonna walk down the aisle? I… did not anticipate this getting so far. So, now we gotta work out the finer details."

Jigen groaned and Goemon just shifted uncomfortably.

"Hey c'mon! We got like a week left! Let's just get this over with, okay? And then we get to keep all this stuff, and maybe pocket a bit more... and case out a few people for later..." Lupin was shameless. 

"Can't we just walk down the aisle together?" Goemon sighed. He had grown very quiet the last few weeks, and he was never prone to talking to begin with.

"That... I mean. I guess that could work! Whatever. You guys work that out. Do you have any idea how much work it is to plan a wedding?!” Lupin stormed off again. 

It was silent and Jigen was at a loss. What was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to stop this thing now? 

“Should… Should we practice kissing?” 

Jigen nearly tripped over his own feet and he was sitting down. “Wh-what…?” Did he just hear that? And did his stomach just do a flip at the prospect of kissing Goemon? 

“I’m sorry…” Goemon left, in a rush of rustling silk. 

Jigen scrubbed a hand down his face. 

This was beyond complicated. 

~ ~ ~ 

What in the hell was he supposed to do now… Jigen lit himself a cigarette, another cigarette… The package was nearly gone and it has been brand new when he first went out for some fresh air. 

He was sitting on the balustrade letting his legs dangle over the balcony, dark trees below, but he didn’t care about the risk. There was something much more important on the line right now. 

“Wedding jitters?” Fujiko whispered, coming out to sit with him on the balcony edge with him. Jigen ignored her, blowing out his smoke. 

“What do you want? I’m in no mood for your teasing, Fujiko…” 

She shrugged, smoking, too, and that was most definitely one of the glitzy cigarette holders that was gifted to he and Goemon for the wedding. He sighed. Whatever. 

“Hey, don’t get huffy with me. Why don’t you pursue this thing with Goemon for real?” 

The wind blew, warm and gentle and Jigen felt a lump forming in his throat. “You’re joking.” 

“That’s not an answer, Jigen, and you know it.” She sat down with him on the stone balustrade, watching the stars glitter in the night sky. This was a nice place, out in the country with warm nights. Perfect place for a wedding, and Jigen had to hand it to her and Rebecca for pulling this together. They all knew Lupin was absolutely useless for wedding planning. 

“I can’t…” Jigen started, frustrated, a headache forming. “I can’t do that to Goemon. He’s… He’s not like you and I, or even Lupin, you know?” 

“Mmm…” She hooked her ankles and dangled her legs in circles. “Are you trying to protect his honour or something? Don't you think that's a bit old fashioned and just a touch misogynistic, Jigen? He's a big boy... What do you have to lose, after all?"

Jigen frowned. "You're one to talk. What happened with you and Lupin after you slept together." It wasn’t a question, because he damn well knew what the answer was. 

Fujiko sighed, flipping her hair as she twisted around and hopped back onto the balcony. Good. Jigen wanted to be alone. 

"You might have a point, Jigen. But, I don't regret it, either.” Her voice was soft and Jigen turned around to look at her. "Besides, Goemon isn't like me. He's dedicated and loyal. Me? Well... I'm sure you know by now how I am,” she said with a shrug and a wink. 

Would… Would Jigen regret not going for this chance with Goemon…? 

~ ~ ~ 

And then somehow, the day came and Jigen was insanely nervous. Give him a target to shoot, no problem, but this? This was...

He groaned.

"Wedding jitters? Don't worry, I was nervous too before I married Rebecca!"

"And look how that turned out!" Jigen snapped, digging around in his breast pocket for his cigarettes, but he had none. Damnit. He was gonna strangle Lupin before this caper was over.

"Hey now, buddy... It'll be all right! Just... Wait there at the altar and watch Goemon walk down the aisle and..."

"We're walking down the aisle together!" Jigen snapped.

"Wow... You really are taking this seriously. All right, all right. You guys just walk down the aisle, together. Hold hands, for all I care! Then, when I ask you your 'I do's', you just... say no! Then in all the chaos, I make off with that necklace and we're good to go. We've already got the gifts packed up and ready to roll out of here, so you know... We're almost done! I know this has been well... Well, we're almost done, okay?"

Jigen grumbled.

"Why won't you let me see Goemon? It's not like he's my bride."

"Traditions! And Rebecca and Fujiko insisted. Did you really want to get into a fight with those two? They joined forces..."

"Awesome."

The wedding bells started and Lupin sped out of the room. Soon this whole awkward mess would be over...

~ ~ ~ 

Lupin was pissed, but Jigen didn't care. Jigen and Goemon both said "I do... and it was nice. Jigen actually felt happy, slipping that white gold ring on Goemon's finger. The party was nice, everything was nice, even if Lupin was pissy and grumbling.

Lupin even got that damned necklace and pocketed quite a few other things, too. _And_ they still got all of the gifts.

Now... Now he and Goemon stood in a room together... Fujiko and Rebecca had it on standby, apparently. Charged to Lupin.

Jigen laughed to himself.

"So... We've come this far..." Goemon said, looking away, looking sheepish, his cheeks red. "Why... why not go through with the whole thing...?"

"You mean... Consummate the marriage...?" They weren't actually married. There was no paperwork filed but...

But damn if his cock wasn’t jumping at the idea.

“H-have you…” Jigen swallowed hard, blushing bright and red. “I mean, you’re not a virgin, right?” 

They were sitting on the edge of the oversized bed, Jigen still in his white tux, and Goemon in his kimono. 

“N-no… I mean, I don’t think I am…” Goemon looked away. 

“You… What do you mean you don’t know?” Jigen had hoped this would be the easy part, but… Well, if it was going to be complicated, then so be it. They would figure this out, together. “Have you never been with a woman?” 

“I… Well. Years ago? When I was in my youth, yes. Before I dedicated myself wholly to the sword and…” 

“Wow… You’ve got some self control there, pal.” That was impressive, Jigen had to admit. “All right. We’ll just… We’ll take it slow, okay?” 

They had already kissed, this was the easy part, right? 

Jigen leaned in, brushing Goemon’s hair back. Goemon let out a shaky breath and then they were kissing. Goemon’s soft exhale had Jigen’s cock throbbing. 

Why had he never noticed just how much he was interested in Goemon? 

_How_ the hell had he never noticed just how interested he was in Goemon? 

They started peeling clothing off, like it was natural. All slow movements, chaste kissing and the way Goemon laughed, nervous, was almost too much for Jigen. He was grinning like a fool, drawing Goemon back to him, to kiss him over and over and over again. 

Jigen found himself down to his slacks and Goemon's kimono was bunched up, collars loose, hakama and haori gone as he laid on his back, hair framing his face like an inky black pool. A delicate pink blush dusted his cheeks and Jigen was groaning, diving back in to kiss him as he let his hands wander all over, callused and rough as he touched, touched, touched. 

"Goemon..." Jigen groaned, pulling himself back. He was hard, but it was okay if Goemon didn't want to go that far. It... It would be okay… 

"I don't..." Goemon looked away, biting his bottom lip. "I don't know how this works, but... I trust you, Jigen... Daisuke..." The named was breathed out and Goemon's eyes fluttered shut. 

Jigen let his hands move lower, kissing down Goemon's chest, teasing at his nipples and watching his reactions carefully before he felt comfortable letting his hands rest over Goemon's hips. 

"It's okay, you know... If you don't want to, we don't..." 

"Don't you dare!" Goemon sat up, flushed and breathing heavily. "I've been trying to get you to... And, damnit!" Goemon clenched his eyes shut and he was hard, Jigen could see that, the way his cock was pulling and trapped in his fundoshi. "I thought I was doing it all wrong, or that you just weren't interested in me, and I just... I'm not good at this sort of thing, you know?" Goemon huffed out, lips swollen and glistening. 

Jigen gave a breathy little laugh, all the moments over the last few weeks finally starting to click into place. Goemon wasn't upset, he was shy and trying to flirt and... 

"Wow... I'm dense..." Jigen felt like an ass. 

"I thought it was just me... And..." 

Jigen moved up again, pushing Goemon to the mattress as he kissed him, hands on his smooth face as he dominated the kiss. "Quiet... There's nothing wrong with you, or what you did, or anything and, just... Damn, you know?" 

They laid on their sides panting for a few moments, just watching each other. 

Goemon moved first, hooking his fingers into Jigen's slacks, pushing them down his hips and then Jigen found himself on his back, Goemon between his thighs. Goemon was trembling and Jigen let him have his space to figure it out, resting a hand on the back of his head, gentle. "Just do what you're comfortable with, no rush, right?" 

"Y-yeah..." His cheeks tinged an even darker pink and then his eyes fluttered shut as he started to mouth at Jigen's cock through his boxers, until he got up the nerve to peel them down. Jigen groaned as his cock was let free and he bucked as he felt a hot mouth wrapping around the head. 

"O-oh!" Jigen tried not to move, tried not to startle Goemon, but he should have given Goemon more credit than that as he felt strong fingers pressing him down by his hips. Half of his length was swallowed before Goemon pulled back only to take him again. 

Goemon worked up a steady pace, hands wandering over Jigen’s thighs, pushing his slacks away and Jigen was left entirely bare. 

“Damn… That… Damn that’s good!” Jigen gasped out, his hand still in Goemon’s hair, just to keep a tether on him. His mind still wasn’t sure if any of this was real, the past weeks a blur of frustration, but he supposed all of that frustration had come to fruition and Jigen felt a knot building low in his gut. 

Goemon moaned, taking him deeper into his throat and Jigen feared he was going to blow. 

“G-Goemon, w-wait,” he gasped out, pulling Goemon back, gently, so gently, by his hair. “I’m gonna… I mean. If that’s all you wanna do tonight, that’s fine, but…” Jigen was rambling and he had to swallow hard and get himself back in order. “If you make me blow right now, that’s all I’ve got for the night, if that…” 

“O-oh…” Goemon sat up, cheeks flushed as he wiped his chin with the back of his hand. “I… I was hoping for, ah…” He drew in a shaky breath, sitting on his knees, kimono pooled around his waist, split up the middle revealing his pale thighs, peppered with scars here and there. “I was hoping for a proper consummation…” 

Jigen let out a shaky breath, grabbing himself by the base of his cock as he came to kiss Goemon again. “Okay… Then uh… Let’s have you… I mean. Did-did you want to…” He was tongue tied. They hadn’t talked about any of this and Jigen felt shaky, unnerved. He didn’t want to assume, after all. “Did you want to take me, or…?” 

“I… I assumed you would t-take me…” Goemon gasped out. 

Jigen grasped Goemon's hand, their rings matching and contrasting. "Okay. Just... Let me know if something doesn't work for you, all right?" 

There was lube tucked away in the nightstand, of course there was and when Jigen came back, Goemon had rid himself of his kimono, laying just as bare as Jigen was. And maybe he was a bit disappointed he didn't get to disrobe Goemon entirely himself, for their first time, but there would be other nights. 

Yeah, there would definitely be other nights. He grinned to himself. 

They were kissing again and that was quickly becoming Jigen's favourite thing, to feel Goemon gasping underneath him, fighting for air as his lips became plumped and swollen. 

Jigen pulled back, feeling hot and hard and he knew Goemon was as well, his cock digging into Jigen's hip. "I think it's time I returned the favour to you..." he whispered, moving down Goemon's body, nipping and mouthing at different spots, enjoying all the groans and gasps it earned him until he was breathing hot air on Goemon's leaking cock. The foreskin was rolled back and Jigen took him in hand, pulling the head entirely free before he took it into his mouth, sucking gently as he flipped the lube open. 

"J-Jigen!" Goemon jerked and Jigen rolled with him, easily taking more of Goemon's cock into his throat, coating his fingers and letting the lube warm up before he dared to slick up Goemon's hole. "Oh, ungh!" Goemon's thighs were shaking and Jigen pulled off his cock to coo at him, rubbing just at the outside of Goemon's tight ring of muscle. 

"I won't hurt you, just relax for me..." Goemon had his eyes clenched shut, fisting the bedding, strung too tight. "Shhh... Just relax into my fingers, let yourself open up..." 

"I-I can't!" Goemon jerked and Jigen took his cock back in his mouth, sucking hard on the head as he pushed his finger in, deep, and let Goemon get used to it. "Ah! That's..." Goemon hissed, bucking up into Jigen's mouth. 

Nostrils flared, Jigen focused on breathing through his nose as he worked Goemon open, a second finger sliding in much easier, and it always seemed to work that way. One finger was too intense, but add a second and the burn mellowed out as the stretching began in earnest. 

"Jigen..." Goemon whimpered, but he was loosening. 

Jigen worked a third finger in, curling them and stretching him open, searching out a spot that would have— 

"Oh! J-Jigen!" Goemon arched and Jigen smiled around the cock in his mouth, pulling back and wiping at his chin. 

"Hows that? Like that?" He teased, pressing hard little circles at Goemon's prostate, watching him arch and thrash, the bedding white-knuckled in his grip. "I can do you like this, or I can—” 

Goemon's eyes flew open, sharp and dangerous. "You had best not tease me all night. I expect more than just fingers for my _wedding night_." 

Jigen swallowed hard, thrusting his fingers a few more times before he pulled them out. "How can I deny you on your wedding night..." It was ridiculous, but then, Jigen was lubing up his cock, hissing at the cold of it, but it eased off quickly enough. And damn... And damn if Goemon wasn't just hot beneath him. 

He grinned, kneeling between lean thighs, lining himself up before, nudging his cock over Goemon's hole. Jigen waited, watching, and only when Goemon looked at him did Jigen start to press the head of his cock in. 

Jigen could have sworn he was the louder of the two of them, groaning as the tightness squeezed his cock, and it was very nearly too much for him. Goemon gasped, eyes flying open before they fluttered shut, the head of Jigen’s cock slipping in, pushing deeper until he bottomed out. It was tight and a lot and Jigen was sprawled over Goemon, fisting the bedding in both hands, shaking, sweat prickling his skin as he tried to steady himself. If he wasn't careful, he'd blow like he was a teenager again, all pretense and no substance and... 

Goemon pulled him down, kissing again as he brought his legs up, letting Jigen sink in even deeper. 

It was slow and gentle and Jigen was thankful for that, getting to rock into Goemon and enjoy him. All the gasps and sounds Goemon made, all for him. Pleasure pooled warm in Jigen’s belly, Goemon’s cock hard against his abdomen. Goemon really did have self-control, making no effort to touch his cock, just letting Jigen’s body be friction enough for him. 

“Goemon…” Jigen groaned, drawing his cock out slow, pushing in just as gentle, working Goemon open, swallowing away all of his whimpers. 

“Jigen…” His voice was breathy and they were so close, staring into each other’s eyes as Jigen worked up a slow rhythm. Strong fingers danced over Jigen’s face, Goemon’s head falling back with a loud moan. 

Goemon was so beautiful, Jigen could scarcely understand how this night came to be. And he never wanted to stop kissing Goemon, drawing him back, swirling their tongues, fighting for dominance. 

Everything was hot, a rush of movement and sensation, Jigen gasping out for air only to grab Goemon back, kissing him harder, harder, harder. It wouldn’t be long, not with how that knot of pleasure was building fast, low in Jigen’s belly. 

A strange twist of events, one crazy con job and… 

Jigen broke the kiss, his hips snapping faster now, pleasure cresting and mounting. “D-damn, Goemon, I-I can’t hold back!” 

“H-harder!” Goemon arched himself, digging his nails into Jigen’s arms, holding on as he panted and took everything that Jigen gave to him. 

Goemon thrashed, keening as he cried out and Jigen could feel the way he was clenching, so tight around Jigen’s cock. Jigen barely managed to keep thrusting, pushing Goemon over the edge, grabbing his cock and pumping until he felt hot stickiness shooting over his fist. 

Jigen pressed his temple into Goemon’s shoulder, grinding into him, gasping and panting and moaning until he felt the knot in his gut bursting and he was blowing, too, with hard, short thrusts. 

The room was dim and Jigen felt achy all over. Sticky, too. What…? 

Goemon was next to him, smiling and barely keeping his eyes open. 

“I guess we can’t really call this a fake marriage now,” Goemon said, cheeks dusty pink, eyes downcast. 

Jigen laughed, breathy, still fighting to regain himself. “I would definitely not call what just happened fake. It felt…” He gasped, letting Goemon’s arm snake around him, settling in close. “That felt pretty real…” 

Jigen pulled the bedding up over them, sighing softly. “Too bad we have to thank Lupin for this, after all…” Goemon whispered out yawning and Jigen would have to admit that Lupin was right, a fake marriage had been a great idea.


End file.
